Like many others here, I was born into a Christian family and I have been attending church ever since. I grew up in an environment where the Christian values and beliefs had a fairly big influence on my life. Growing up, I believed that I had a good knowledge of God and I always thought that I would have everlasting faith in Him. I was confident about my relationship with God and I ultimately had no doubts about Him and the religion in general.
However, as the pandemic hit and everything was on lockdown, my relationship with God had become the worst it had ever been. I would have never imagined that my relationship with God would be this shallow. I found myself feeling so disconnected and unhappy with God. I remember praying only in situations when I desperately needed something from Him. And when He wouldn’t answer my prayers, I would feel so betrayed and disappointed. Hearing others in the church encountering and feeling the presence of God only made me feel worse and “not loved” by God. Consequently, I started to rely solely on myself and started to doubt the existence of God and the purpose of this religion. To make matters worse, the lockdown period also happened to be the time when I was transitioning to high school. With the excuse that I was focusing more on my social and academic life, I tried to avoid all church activities. And as a result, I was drifting away from Christianity.
Even after the lockdown and when I started attending church again, I was unwilling to restore our relationship and I was unwilling to believe in His existence.
It was not until this March when my ex-leader, Esther unnie, introduced me to the Launching Point Bible study. In all honesty, I reluctantly accepted the invitation because I felt sorry. For the longest time, my leader would inform me about all the Bible studies and other church activities. However, I would always come up with an excuse and reject the offer. This time, I felt really sorry so I eventually signed up for Launching Point, and I think this was one of the best decisions I’ve made. The bible study addressed many of my doubts and misconceptions about Christianity. After the bible study, I felt inspired to continue restoring my relationship with God and to attend GPS.
During GPS, I was introduced to a verse that really stood out to me. It was from Revelation 3:20, which reads, “See! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” This verse left a big impression on me as it helped me reflect on my past thoughts and actions. Jesus was always willing to come into my life. All I had to do was “open the door” and receive Jesus. It makes me feel a bit ashamed of all the irrelevant and foolish excuses I once made in order to avoid God.
To be completely honest, I haven’t experienced a significant change in my life after getting confirmed. However, one clear change that I noticed is that I now live with a sense of confidence and stability knowing that God will always be with me. I also feel assured that I have God to reveal all my problems and fears to.
Lastly, I really want to thank The Seed, Pastor Caleb, Pastor Anthony, my family and my leader for helping me get to where I am.
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