Sometimes our thoughts are caught in the busy-ness of ‘today’. If you’re a student, your thoughts might be stuck on the assignment you have to complete tomorrow. If you’re working, your thoughts remain on the projects you are involved. If you’re a parent, often times your thoughts overstay on nurturing the child.
Many times our thoughts abide in what we see, the circumstances we are in, for the tasks of tomorrow. Full schedule and fast pace is the definition of the world we live in. As the time flies, you have no or little time for the reflection. Time to stop and think, am I going to the right direction? Is this the wise choice? Is this the will of God?
Entering the parenthood was a very different experience for me. I was the person who was determined, always planned ahead, spending most of days ministering, mentoring youth and young adults. I owned my time. However, after became a parent, I always had to expect unexpected things. I entered the field of unknown. It was the place of no knowledge, no experience, and no wisdom. What I’ve learned from the parenting journey is that I finally got to understand the word ‘busy-ness’. I was swiped away by the urgent things evolved around the parenthood and started to forget about important things.
The question I asked myself before deciding to go back to study, in the midst of busy parenting was, ‘Is this the right time?’
Same question applied to TFE. (Theological Field Education) ‘Is this the right time to go back to ministry?’
Another thing I learned in parenting is the importance of finding stillness in the midst of busy-ness. I had to be sensitive in finding this moment to communicate with God and sometimes had to fight with my laziness to get up and use Shawn’s nap-time-aka the only free time available- wisely, to sustain the relationship with God through prayer and reading Bible. This was the place where I affirmed the right timing and decided to start the journey of TFE experience. I learned to worry less, and expect great things. In the midst of fear of going back to ministry I remembered my purpose, which was buried by the busy-ness of life: I live for Christ, I die for Christ.
Of course without the help of Pastor Kwak, my supervisor Pastor Caleb, and the five avengers of LAC committee, this would have been impossible to begin. With their openness of heart and acceptance is where I learned God’s heart and God’s acceptance. There are areas where I tried to incorporate my previous ministry experience, but mostly I come with blank paper of nothingness where I begin to write with freshness in learning about how God works for the church. I’m fully enjoying every step of this internship in building a relationship with God and the members of House church.
To state where I am right now, here’s the text from my favourite book of all time: Ephesians by Mr. Paul:
‘Now to him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us – to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever, Amen!’ (Eph. 3:20-21 CSB)