My mom was hit with a stroke last year on the day of Halloween. So this year’s Halloween reminded me of how I felt when that first happened, and how we’ve progressed in supporting her recovery. While looking back, I felt two main emotions: Thankfulness and Disappointment.
I felt deeply thankful that my mom has come a long way. She is progressing very well. She had some minor procedures here and there, but she has been stable. Not only that, but she recently drew someone who looked like me (with spiky hair!), and the detail of her drawing is much better than before.
But I also felt disappointed. My constant question is, “When will she fully recover?” When you don’t know the exact timeline, waiting can feel weary, and you allow doubt to grow. Then, I remembered Abraham. He received a promise from God to have a miracle child, only to wait 25 years. He must’ve asked himself every year, “Will it be this year?” only to realize it wasn’t. That sense of disappointment must not be easy to go through 25 times, without any sign of progress for Abraham. (In fact, the only progress he had was Sarah becoming visibly older and weaker!)
But I remembered I have what Abraham didn’t have: Myriads of testimonies of God’s miracles in the scripture (Hebrews 12:1) and in the lives of real people today. Abraham had no stories to hold on to. He had no testimonies to cling to. But he waited. In fact, Abraham is called “father of faith” mainly for his waiting.
People often consider faith to be strong intellectual consent or fanatic zeal. However, the greatest mark and challenge of faith is waiting. These days, I find it difficult to wait for a parcel if it takes more than a day. (Thanks to Amazon Prime) Waiting is hard because it fundamentally challenges our human desire for certainty and control. The simple fact that there is nothing we can do while waiting alone can drive many people nuts.
But faith is waiting, and waiting is faith. And scripture promises that faith is always rewarded by God (Hebrews 12:6) So I’ve made up my mind to not think about my mom’s recovery too much. Thinking too much always leads to worrying too much. To wait well, we must forget well. (Hebrews 12:1) Whatever we lay aside in Jesus’ hands, we must act as if it is not our problem anymore.