Some people believe that expressing anger can alleviate anger. But research tells us the opposite: When you complain, you amplify complaint. When you express anger, you amplify anger. In other words, we amplify what we express. Expressing our honest emotions is healthy. But expressing it as if you are the victim only spirals you deeper into the feeling you wish to escape.
In 1960, there was a popular therapy called “Screaming Therapy.” What it is that you express your anger to a doll or pillow, imagining that is the person you hate. After punching it and cussing at it for a few minutes, people seemed to feel better at first. But when it was confirmed that expressing anger only amplifies it in the long run, counsellors no longer used it.
Many unhappy people are unhappy because they find the reason for their unhappiness in others. But happiness is a choice. Nobody has a perfectly happy situation. We can all find reasons to be unsatisfied. But some people ignore the 90% negative and give thanks on the 10% positive. Some people ignore the 90% positive and complain about 10% negative.
The tool we can use to become happier is our “tongue.” Many people forget that our tongue is not only a spiritual thermometer but a thermostat. Our tongue reflects our spiritual temperature, but it also has the power to control it.
It is not surprising that on the day of Pentecost, the first body part affected and changed by the Holy Spirit was the “tongue.” (Acts 2:3-4)
Happiness is not found but achieved. When we search for happiness as if it is something we can discover “somewhere,” we will never find it. If you want to be happy, intentionally regulate what you ponder (Phil 4:8) and what you say. We eat our way into happiness by eating the “fruit of our lips”(Hebrews 13:15).